I was about 8 years old, standing at the kitchen sink in my Modbury North home. My exact words were "I want to be a house wife when I grow up". Even as I type it now, laughter gurgles up inside me! The concept of washing, sewing, cleaning, cooking, darning & organising was extremely appealing to me then. Domestic Goddess... I am not. I do my best, but there are always more interesting things that can be done. The facts are though.... when you have a family, children need meals & school uniforms & school lunches; husbands actually need all those things too! Laundry is such a constant task that often overwhelms me... actually the whole concept of housework is definitely not crumpets with honey.
It is no secret that for most of my life I have sought to earn my value, find my worth by the things I do. Only recently have I realised that I am of great worth just because I am me... not because I have a blog, not because of anything I do.... I have value just because I am me! It has been a freeing revelation. But prior to this, I have fought against the 'value' that I feel from being a housewife & mother.... the 'house servant'... cleaning up the wee & poo from toilet training bottoms; the cooking; the dishes; the laundry; the constant tidying..... need I go on?
The other day I scrubbed a school uniform to erase some subtle stains. In the morning I presented the clean uniform to my daughter & pointed out its cleanliness. Uh-huh. A typical 6 year old response that didn't dampen my joy. I had beautifully cleaned her uniform & I didn't even have to! I enjoyed doing it for her.
There is something in me that wants to nurture... to make sure that my family leaves the house with clean clothes, with food & nutrition for the day... there is something in me that wants them to start each day knowing I love them & care for them. I want to provide the things they need for that day. That housekeeping-backpack is no longer weighing me down.... I do what I can, when I can. But the things I do - I do with love. I am grateful for what I have been given.
It is so freeing when we can walk in who we are based on WHO we are not WHAT we do. I have recently started to come to that realization and to walk in it.
ReplyDeleteI always say that I want to find the joy in the "have to" and that they turn into "want to's" but they kept being "have to" and I found that burdensome.
Thank you for the reminder :)